Rumpelstiltskin Grinder - Buried in the Front Yard... (2005)

Cost: $1.00

When buying this I had heard of the band due to the comedic infamy of their name, but knew nothing about them musically.  Obviously based on the name I thought they would be some sort of humorous death/grind--I ended up being quite surprised, and not necessarily pleasantly.  This is contemporary thrash that does nothing for me.  Other than the twin guitars there's nothing that even suggests classic thrash, as it's quite modern sounding and some songs have minor traces of death metal in them.  But the final nail in the coffin for me is the vocals, which veer into the dangerous realm of HC territory (and saying the guy was attempting Sound of Perserverance-style vox isn't really any better...).

Nightstick - Ultimatum (1998)

Cost: $1.00

Bob Williams' post-Siege band.  Sludgy, noisy stuff with the occasional (or not-so-occasional) burst of squealing saxophone.  Do you feel cheated when I write about this sort of eclectic stuff?  You should!   I'm not motivated enough to dissect it musically so I end up writing something vague in the hopes that since it's not pure heavy metal, people will avoid it anyway.

Speaking of feeling cheated, I feel cheated by Nightstick a bit.  They have that Padoinka the Clown character who appears in the album layouts and is credited with "interpretive dance"--in all seriousness, I like the comedic air he lends to the proceedings.  So it finally dawns on me that I may be able to find live footage on Youtube and see what the clown actually does at the live shows.  I found some footage--only maybe it's of a bad gig, because the only thing I interpreted from his dancing was that he was tired.  Padoinka essentially did nothing but sway timidly near the drumkit during the whole show (which included various feats of musical instrument abuse and destruction by the other members).  Kind of a bummer.

I see this more as a quirky oddity of musical experimentation.  Keep in mind I actually do like some of the catchy stuff they did on the Death to Music album, like the new version of "Dahmer's Room" and what is undoubtedly a Marine Corps favorite, "Jarhead."

All Hallow's Evil - This Faustian Flesh (pro-printed CD-R, 2006)

Cost: $1.00

I found this sealed and I originally got it as trade fodder, thinking it was an indie gothic or horror punk release based on the front/back cover.  I opened it to replace the cracked case and one of the two fellows (I should point out now for the sake of clarity that it's basically a one-man project with assistance on his various releases) is wearing a Kreator shirt.  So of course based on that alone I'm compelled to listen to it.  Speaking of which, I've often pondered why non-metal bands--particularly punk/hardcore bands--don't wear metal t-shirts prominently in photos placed strategically in the CD layouts to trick me and like-minded individuals (yes, what a terrible thought) into buying their albums.  Then I realized they wouldn't see any money from it as I'd just wait for said albums to show up in the dollar bin.

This is a sort of dark progressive metal with jangly guitars.  Part III (the album is a single song indexed into sections) employs some black metal guitarwork and vocals--probably the most interesting part of the whole thing, yet used only briefly.  Musically, it's not terrible, except for the normal vocals, which have a trying-to-be-dramatic inflection and enunciation I found kind of silly.  But it didn't evoke any strong response from me and failed to create any real atmosphere.

I should also note All Hallow's Evil have been quite prolific in putting out releases (the others seem to have varying degrees of metal content/influence).  I suspect that to whatever extent, there's a problem with overabundance of ideas and a compulsion to document everything musically without regards to quality control.  If this is a truly self-serving project then that's fine, but then why even bother to put it on CD-R? 

X-Seed - Desolation (1995)

Groovy post-thrash, one of the dime-a-dozen bands playing this style in the '90s.  Notable only because the vocalist is none other than Mark Duffy of Toranaga/Millennium fame--his style is gruffer here, as befits the music.

Mourning Sign - Alienor (1995)

Mourning Sign changed quite a bit the few years they were around in the early to mid '90s, but Alienor--in my opinion their best material by far--is the only release that ever really matched their band name and logo style.  Good doomy death metal here with occasional clean singing passages.  This was released the same year as their full-length debut, but it's actually a mini-CD pressing of the band's '93 promo.  Unfortunately, this wasn't a style they stuck with.  Their '92 Last Chamber demo was rather pedestrian death metal--okay stuff, but not a hidden gem by any means and definitely outclassed by legions of bands in the burgeoning early Swedish DM scene.  I haven't heard their s/t debut but apparently they lost the doom edge and got much more contemporary.  The '96 Multiverse album is very progressive and throws all sorts of varied influences into the mix.  Maybe Godhead Rec. was slipping these guys the same drugs (obtained from Acrimony, obviously) that caused such unwelcome changes in Mind Riot and Expulsion?